Despite what science fiction may tell us, there are no time machines in life (at least not yet).
We can’t go back and change anything in our marriage that may have saved it. We can get stuck in the “what ifs”. What if I had done something different? What if I had been a better (whatever that is) wife or husband?
But since we can’t go back, we need to stop beating ourselves up over it. We need to leave that pity party, release the guilt and realize that this divorce is a great opportunity waiting to be explored.
Yes, there may have been things you did in your marriage that you are not proud of. Things you would like to change if given the chance.
Guess what? You have that chance. You can change those things for YOURSELF.
You may be asking, “Why should I bother?” The marriage is over and done with.
You should bother because it’s time to make the changes for you, not for anyone else, but for you.
So what are these opportunities that can arise from the ashes of our broken relationship? Here are just a few.
Face Your Fears
Unless you are facing imminent physical danger, your fears are based on False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR).
What that means is that we spend a lot of time worrying and being afraid of the things that we tell ourselves might happen in the future.
In reality, he don’t know that those things are going to happen. It is just as likely that they won’t come to pass.
As long as we concentrate on what is happening today – at this moment – we can see that we are okay. Stop yourself from predicting the future. Unless of course, you make your living as a fortune teller.
If you have financial fear, concentrate on the fact that you have enough for today. And if you truly don’t have enough for today, then get to work getting what you need instead of letting fear paralyze you.
If you fear that you won’t find love again, appreciate the love you have in your life today. Whether it is from your kids, your parents, your friends – it is enough to get you through today.
Quiet Time Alone
You may be spending more time alone than you are used to.
Instead of letting yourself feel lonely and losing yourself in a pint of ice cream, think of this time as a gift.
Use this gift for self-reflection. Try journaling, meditation, or reading a book that makes you think and discover new things about yourself.
During this quiet time, reflect back on your life, on your marriage, and try to pick out the lessons these experiences were trying to teach you.
Learn New Things
To continue learning is to continue to grow and live.
What are some things that you always wanted to try, but maybe your ex poo-pooed all over your ideas.
Take piano lessons, learn another language, try cooking something exotic, learn to surf. Anything that peaks your interest.
Create a Haven of Calm
Make it a goal to have your house be a haven of calm and peace, not only for you but for your children.
Really concentrate on making your home what YOU want it to be. Unclutter, minimize, get back to basics. What do you like? What do your kids like? Don’t worry what the outside world may think of your decorating. Whatever makes you happy, calm, and at peace wins.
Yes, your marriage is over but that doesn’t mean you stop trying. Learning, improving, and moving on to greater futures is what keeps us alive.
Don’t get stuck in the anger and resentments of the past. I know it sounds cliché, but you only have this life, right here, right now – make the most of it for you and your children.